Serving the High Plains
Serving the High Plains
In my regular Bible reading, I was back in Genesis the other day and here’s the thought that struck me as I went through the life of Abraham: Abraham and Sarah did not have the kind of marriage that a lot of evangelicals promote as ideal.
Specifically, a lot of modern conservatives, such as the Duggars on television and those informed by material from men like Bill Gothard, advocate for a “biblical patriarchy” in which the husband rules over everyone else. He gets the final say about everything, over everyone, and things are ordered according to his wishes. They’d want him to be nice about it, sure. But that’s somewhat lower on the list of considerations.
These types of believers see the apostle Peter commending Sarah for calling her husband her “lord” or master and think that makes their case. Their marriage must’ve followed this model.
I just don’t see it, not when you look at what they actually did. Sarah literally got whatever she asked for, even when her desires upset Abraham. He’s never shown putting his foot down and saying, “Submit, woman!”
Even when Sarah’s choices were faithless or immoral, Abraham did what she wanted him to do. When Peter points out that she called him her master, that was meant to be considered in light of the actual record of events. When these modern husbands salivate at the idea of being kings in their own castles, in the words of Fezik from The Princess Bride, “I do not think it means what you think it means.”
This is not to say that the Bible presents no gendered order at all. The husband is still supposed to be the leader of his home. But Biblical leadership is different than rulership. A biblical leader is not a commander or an order-giver. Rather, he has a proven track-record of integrity, service, and accountability. He leads by truth-telling and consistent example.
When the wife is told to submit to her husband, and when they’re both told to submit to the government, that is not a term that means “obey without question.” Much less does it mean to obey bad orders. It means to acknowledge that I am supposed to be willing to serve you in whatever appropriate fashion I can. It’s not a word that turns free people with moral responsibility into slaves and order-followers.
There are no biblical commands for what that must look like in a Christian home, other than the man is meant to lead. The Proverbs 31 woman, for instance, was in charge of household servants, ran a small business, and purchased land on her own initiative. What if the husband is a chef, though, and wants to be in charge of the family kitchen? They’re free to work these considerations out between them.
She should see him as her leader and honestly seek to serve. But even if she doesn’t (which would be bad) he’s given no authority to force anything from her. He should be serving her as well, even as Christ loved the church and served her by providing everything she would ever need. He lowered and emptied himself in order to exalt her.
We are all, regardless of gender, told to imitate that example in Philippians 2:5-11.
Gordan Runyan is pastor of Tucumcari’s Immanuel Baptist Church and author of “Radical Moses: The Amazing Civil Freedom Built into Ancient Israel.” Contact him at: